Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
