you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
