Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
