you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
