I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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