I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
