I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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