I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
