I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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