he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
