I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
