Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
