At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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