just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
