when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
