i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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