after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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