I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
