This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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