Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
