while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
