I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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