so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
