Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
