barbara walters just said penis...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
