The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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