I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Porn is love you can see.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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