All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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