I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my liver is dry heaving
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