Say something about gay babies.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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