Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
