I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
