I'm so fucking centered right now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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