Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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