just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
