Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
