Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
