my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't put those talents on a resume
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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