Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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