I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
