Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
