I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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