I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
