I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
