I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
3 2 1 whiskey
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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