I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
