Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
