Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
