I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
