If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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